An Impromptu Reminder

I was tidying up the house today, and trying to make sense of how much laundry my family generates, when I stumbled over a bag on the floor and into the office chair sitting in front of our family desk. I almost got back up immediately, but the chair was so comfortable, and I'd been up since the ass crack of dawn today (pardon the language), so I decided to just stay. As I sunk back into the faux leather upholstery, I swiveled the chair around and looked fondly at the computer sitting on our old, dusty desk.

"Hello, old friend," I said to the PC. "It's been awhile."

So, I stood up, started a cup of coffee, turned on the old desktop, and here I am.

I've actually been writing, just not on this blog. I started a rough draft of a children's story and have also been working through a short story that I may/may not try to publish in a literary review somewhere down the road. Most of the writing I've been doing lately is purely creative and fun and really just for me. I find the best writing we do is often for ourselves, and not when we're trying to meet a demand that we suspect others may have (even on a barely-heard-of blog). And like most things it's a lesson that applies to life in general: 'Don't do something because you think it will please others, do something because it pleases yourself and makes you a better person.'

Recently I've been doing a lot of thinking on that subject - "What pleases me?" I stopped watching mindless TV shows. I got off social media. I stopped saying 'Yes!' to pop-up social events, and decided to just be me. I started re-reading one of my favorite book series (Outlander). I started working out more (and FINALLY got a membership to the YMCA). I started being mindful of everything around me, and being present in the here and now.

My husband returned from a work trip to Belize a few weeks ago and he brought back beautiful pictures and stories and told me we totally need to go to this amazing eco-tourism resort near some of the Mayan ruins and part of a conservation establishment that protects nearly 30,000 acres of wilderness in the Western part of Belize. After looking through my hubby's pictures and the Chan Chich Resort website, I'm totally ready to grab a backpack and head on down!

I actually was a Cultural/Political Geography major when I was in college, and my focus of study was on Latin America. My senior year symposium and thesis was on the discovery and conquest of Mexico and the anthropological impact it had on the native populations and their descendants. I hadn't thought about that thesis in years. But seeing the pictures of the Mayan ruins at Caracol completely rejuvenated a part of me that used to yearn to understand why we function in the societies that we do because of the physical and human geographical components of the land and cultures around us.

I used to be interesting. I used to have lengthy discussions at cocktail parties and talk about geopolitics and hegemonic stability and the impending downfall of our nation, using cogent arguments and historical examples. Then I became a Mom and started talking about which car seat was best, the benefits of breast milk and if home-schooling was the right option or not. Now, I'm not saying that those topics and Mom-hood aren't important - they are! But it's easy to lose sight of yourself sometimes if you allow it to happen; if you allow yourself to be consumed by little things that may seem big at the moment, but in the grand scheme of things are just a portion of what truly matters and what truly makes you happy.

We are complex animals, us humans. We try to act simple and say simple things sometimes, but our brains will always deny us. We are constantly asking questions and wanting to understand things. We yearn to explore new places and find greatness. But we are also inherently lazy, if allowed. And sometimes the worst way in which we are lazy is when we stop looking inward and asking more from ourselves because it's easy not to.

So, I ask you, my few followers: "What pleases you? Really and truly?" Go out and find it. Expand yourself. Challenge yourself. Remember that you are interesting.


** Top four pictures, courtesy of M.M. McCarthy. Bottom two pictures, courtesy the Chan Chich Resort website: https://www.chanchich.com/the-lodge/ **

Unplugged

It's early on a Friday morning and I'm wide awake. My oldest woke up with a bad dream about an hour ago, and after I got her back to sleep I found that I couldn't put myself back to bed. The plight of many a parent, I suspect.

I laid in my bed for a while trying to will myself back to dreamland. I tried to clear my brain, to meditate, to relax, but I just was not doing the best job of it. I thought about opening up my phone to check the news and the weather, and even contemplated logging onto Facebook, but didn't. I actually had gotten away from using social media recently and finally deactivated my accounts because I just decided it was sucking my time and attention from the things that mattered most to me; namely my kids. Again, a plight of many a parent, I suspect.

Yesterday I went to my oldest daughter's school for a Thanksgiving Feast that the PTO put on. It was a really nice event, and also quite a madhouse with all of the parents and tiny siblings cycling through the cafeteria and the gymnasium for the festivities. My younger two were super excited about going and were ready to go straight to the cafeteria, but I told them we had to wait for their sister's class to come out first.

While we waited for the Kindergarteners, the girls and I talked and played and they took turns sitting on my shoulders for a "better view." At times my youngest was super fidgety and whiny, as are most two year olds, but once I distracted her with a new silly face or game she was fine. As I stood there being silly and waiting for my oldest to come around the corner, I couldn't help but notice the all-too-familiar site of everyone waiting, their faces glued to their phones.

Look, I've done it too. Sitting in a waiting room at the doctors office, waiting for your car to be done at the dealership, standing in line at a coffee shop; checking your emails or reading a quick article is a super easy way to entertain yourself when you're bored. On top of that, add things like Twitter, Instagram, Reddit and Facebook, and you constantly are thinking to yourself: "I'll just check and see what's going on really quick." Thirty minutes later (at least), after you come out of the social media rabbit hole, you look around and go: "Holy shit! Where am I?" And what's particularly bad - for me - is when you're spending time on social media when you could be doing something more productive, like: tidying up the house, playing with the kids, reading a book, sweeping off the back porch, or just sitting outside and letting the kids run around and listening to nature. Sometimes we just have to be unplugged to remember what it's like to just be.

If I had been waiting in that hallway without my younger kids, I probably would have opened up my phone and read some news too. I don't fault anyone for utilizing the amazing technology and information we have at our fingertips these days, but I think we find ourselves wanting to be entertained at every moment because it's been so long since we've been without a means to constantly do so. And now I find myself in the situation, as a parent, where my actions and habits are being constantly watched and emulated by my kids. So, when I say to them: "just sit and be patient and entertain yourself," if I'm showing them that the only way to stimulate your brain is to stare at a phone, what kind of message am I sending?

So, lately, I've been spending more time outside, more time telling stories and playing games, and more time organizing areas of my house (and my life) that had gotten a bit untidy. I want my girls to know that it's okay to just sit in a car and stare out the window and daydream. That the best stories aren't always the ones in a book, but the one's you create for yourself when you're imagining where you could go and who you could be. And that the best shows on earth are being played out in nature and the physical world around us, not on a television show or via social media. I want my daughters to know all of this so they can know who they are and how to just be.