A Mother's Lamentations

I screamed and she looked at me with wide eyes like I was a monster, and I felt like one;
Then her eyes turned fierce and she screamed back, her chin jutted, her jaw cocked.
We stared at one another, angry and confused and shocked and sad;
We both cried, and held each other, and promised to not do it again....
But youth and motherhood are at odds with each other often;
And the fatigue from long days, long weeks, long months can build up;
And whether it's two months, two weeks, or two days, it happens again.

At night I sat and grieved my response, my actions;
I told myself what I needed to do, how I needed to be;
I remembered my childhood, I remembered my parents, I remembered not understanding....
And now I get it all.
And even though it is normal - sometimes we have to cut ourselves a break,
We still hate ourselves for failing - failing us and failing them.

They'll never understand until they're older;
How much we cried, how much we hurt, how much we loved;
But I know tomorrow morning she'll awake and come to me.
She'll crawl into my lap like a little cat, and I'll wrap her up so tight;
She'll kiss my cheek and I'll kiss hers, and she'll look up at my face;
And in my eyes I hope she sees all the love in the world pouring out and over her.

© Erica Day McCarthy, San Antonio, Texas - 26 February 2019